NOTE:  This contest is over, but there will be one for November 1.  We'll be giving away ANOTHER violet wand kit.

Im holding a contest to give away $1000 of violet wand gear. It will be a treasure hunt type contest and will start on Fetlife tomorrow, Oct 1. Instructions will be posted in my Fetlife group at fetlife.com/groups/22350 and the starting point of the virtual 'treasure map' will also be in that group.

So don't start here!  This is in the middle of the map!  If you reached here from the map:

You are at Treasure Map Location C, Violetwanda home page at www.violetwanda.com

29. On the front page of this site, under the Keep In Touch menu, LIKE the page.

30. From the homepage, REGISTER and LOGIN. (you’ll need to click on the link in your activation email that will be sent to you.) POST a COMMENT on any Information or blog article

31. FIND one of my articles where I talk about an expert in Violet Wand branding. WHAT is his name? ______________

32. GO Back to the Home page. FILL IN THE BLANK: What is the slogan (red type) for the Violetwanda Presents product line?

_______________________

33. GO back to the Home page. FILL in the Blank: “What is the slogan (grey type at the very bottom of the MJOLNIR page) of the MJOLNIR product line? _________________________

34. ‘Side Dig.’ GO to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Violet_wand. READ the article and RATE the page at the bottom. It’s a good article, and rating it high for each category keeps the vandalism from being done to it.

35. RETURN to www.violetwanda.com . On the home page, FIND the Clue to your next treasure map Location D; (clue: purple f)

This is a reprint from a newsletter article I wrote ten years ago.  Still important!

Eclectic Electric

vol 3, no. 11
12/04/02

3.)...Q&A column

Question: I'm doing one of those BDSM checklists for a potential partner.  I was just curious if you've ever filled one out and what kind of unusual things might have been on your lists?

ooooh, good one!  We have a definite opinion regarding the checklists you see on the internet...they have only half the story!  Of course you want to think about your hard limits and soft limits, as well as things you think you'd like to try.  But successful relationships of ANY type (friends, play partners, lovers, long-term and including kinky or BDSM relationships) have aspects that are far more important..what each person NEEDS from that relationship, as well as what each person WANTS.

Its always been a bit of a bafflement that so much emphasis is placed on limits, and needs are left on their own, when the larger part of problems faced in any relationship are over conflicting needs and wants.  You'll rarely find yourself dissatisfied in a relationship where someone doesn't precisely know your limits, but one is sure to be dissatisfied in a relationship where the other person has no idea of what you want or need. 

Then again, few people do know what they want, let alone what they need.  But everyone should, because discovering those things about yourself can put you on the road to becoming a self-actualized and fulfilled person.  Is the idea of wants and needs necessary to a successful BDSM relationship?  Absolutely!  It's more than a little naive for a dominant to think that they can make  someone stop wanting or needing something. And it is unrealistic for someone on the submissive end of the equation to make someone spend months guessing how to fulfill them.  You won't be in a relationship long if you aren't getting what you need from it.

Wants are negotiable just like soft limits are, but needs are as non-negotiable as hard limits.   Problems arise when someone doesn't know how to define or separate the two; perhaps they think they need a thing that they really could do without,  or they are dissatisfied and don't know why.  Why spend ages getting to those definitions of yourself accidentally?

So, do this:  ADD two sections to your limits checklist, NEEDS and WANTS.  On your NEEDS section, you should think about three areas of needs; physical, emotional and mental.  Of course you need air, food and water in your physical areas.  Don't think its silly, add them.  Think about what other physical needs you have....orgasm once a year minimum?  A daily shower or you can't function?  Your list is going to differ from everyone else's.  Then go on to your emotional needs...do you need to spend time with your children every day?  How about affection or friends?  For mental, what do you need for your mental health?  Stimulating challenges, reading, conversation? 
But here's the catch.......
Each time you add something to your list, you really have to weigh whether its a real need (a requirement for your emotional, mental or physical health) or its something you want but could do without.  Then list it accordingly under corresponding NEEDS or WANTS..but get it in that list!  No 'BDSM checklists' should be without sections on needs or wants.  These things..needs and wants.. will make or break your fulfillment in a relationship far sooner than whether or not you'll ever try electrical play.